Design Your Own Behavioral Experiment
In my article on experiential avoidance we discuss how the struggle to eliminate pain from our lives, whether that be internal (e.g., thoughts, images, urges) or external (unpleasant activities like doing taxes, setting boundaries, confronting a loved one), often becomes a source of pain itself. Learning to avoid a stimulus that is objectively dangerous (e.g., hot stove top) is adaptive. But we tend to overestimate the things in life that are dangerous versus uncomfortable. When we can learn to face things in life that are uncomfortable but matter to us (e.g., making a budget, showing our authentic self), we are better off. Paradoxically this brings us closer to thriving.
Pick something you’ve been avoiding that matters to you. For example, feeling your grief, sorting your mail and paying your bills, expressing your needs to a friend, loved one, or coworker. For today, mine is sharing this article with you.
Set a time when you will approach this experience
Rate your willingness on a scale of 0-10
Consider how you will stay with the experience/fully engage
e.g., I will not numb myself with substances during or after the experiment; I will remember my values - my “why” for doing something uncomfortable
Approach the experience = do the thing
Don’t do something objectively dangerous like walk down a dark alley at 2am to overcome your fear of the dark
Pick an activity that adds to your life
Notice how it feels during and after
Rate your peak discomfort on a scale of 0-10
Rate your discomfort afterwards
What did you learn?
How did the outcome compare to what you expected?
Photo by Samuel Clara on Unsplash